Eating With My Hand.

Okay, here goes. That is my right hand reaching into an 18 inch community plate to share this meal of rice, soup, fish and chicken (I avoided the chicken, of course). You can only use your right hand as your left is considered to be very unclean because it is reserved for wiping of the back-side. Toilet paper is not widely used here (pardon the pun).

As a "Westerner" they offered me utensils but I wanted to be one of the "Arab-guys" just this one time. It reminds me of my kid's first birthday parties when they were given the cake and told to "go at it" The lieutenant took me to wash my hands after lunch. There is a whole system of cleanliness over here that we just take for granted.

Last New Year's Eve @ Yelton Manor

Elaine, I miss your trays of brownies. But, obviously, they are not that good for me. Love you!!

Hanging Out With Doha's Bravest

Ya know, it's not like me to do the "visit the local fire department" while
I'm in another city (or country), but I decided to just drop in and say "Hi"
from a brother from America. WOW!! I was overwhelmed with hospitality.
I was there for about 3 hours. I had tea with them. I had lunch with them.
Then more tea. Then Arabian coffee. Then more tea. They were all Arabs.
Some from Pakastan. Some from Egypt and Lebanon. None of them were Qatari.

This is the Lieutenant on this shift. His name is John. Wierd.
He has been on the Doha Civil Defence Dept for 19 years.
If you didn't notice, spelling isn't always the same in other countries.

It was Tea and Cigarette time. (I miss Malcolm). They have a tent set
up outside in the back parking lot and we hung out in it most of the time I
was there. There was a big screen TV in the corner and they showed me
videos of some of their fires and car accidents.

I can't remember the firefighters name. I think it was muhammed.
It is the single most common name on the planet. I think he looks like
Mike Tavolacci.

The Defence Department has 4 crews. They work 8 hour shifts.
They work 3 morning shifts, then 3 afternoon, then 3 night shifts.
Then they take 3 days off. It sounds like they work more than
us. However, we work 72 hours every 9 days and they work
75 hours every 12 days. They also have (drum roll please) 20 men
on each crew. I gave away all of my Nulli Secundis patches.
You should have made me more patches, Gustavo DLX.

Tammi & I Go For A Race Around The Track.

This may take a while to load. But, it's worth it.

Jassim took us back to the track for the time
trials. He even let Tammi control one of the
robot jockeys. We are going back to the track
to watch him race next Saturday. Tammi said
she's really excited to be a camel groupie. She
said she loves the humps. I swear, that was
even too easy for me to say something.

Jazzing It Up With Jassim.

While we were leaving the camel race track the other day,
Tammi wanted to see where all the camels go at night.
We ended up in "Camel City". No kidding. It was like "Dodge City"
for Arabs. We met a genuine Camelboy. His name is Jassim.
He is a cousin to the Sheik Al Thani. So, he is Qatari. And, by far, the
coolest Qatari I've met so far.

He took us to his camel ranch and let us ride his awesome animals.
Riding was a snap. The mount and dismount were more tricky.

Tammi was having the time of her life. She said our honeymoon paled
by comparison. I'm not too hurt. She has to take half the blame, right?

This was his prize winning camel. It's worth about a quarter of a million
bucks and also won the international camel beauty contest.
10,000 camels from all over the Middle East competed.
It was the grand race champion and the prize was a new Land Cruiser.

At night, Jassim and his brothers and friends sit around this tent and smoke
their hookas and discuss, well, guy stuff. He took us to the Sheik's camel ranch.
300 camels! Jassim only had 50 camels. We got to see all of them. If we had more
time in Doha, I'll bet we could have met the big guy. We are becoming quite the
little networkers.

Why Am I Not On Television?

What do you get when you play Middle East Country Music Backwards??????


You get your Palace back.


You get your Land Cruiser back.


You get your camel back.


And you get your 4 wives back.

Camel Jockey!

This is the Camel Jockey. They used small children in the past.
However, when small children fall off the camel it's the old
Humpty Dumpty story all over again.

This little robot is strapped into the drivers seat and off they go.
The owner follows in their Land Cruiser (They all have Land Cruisers)
and they use a remote to activate the right arm of the jockey.

The arm spins in circles and hits the rear end of the camel
to increase the speed.
Smack Dat Ass!

Flipping The Arabic Bird

This is the way people here flip other people off.
The saying comes from the Sudan, I believe. Roughly translated
Shwai shwai means to relax or take it easy. Telling a spoiled brat who
is on your rear bumper speeding down the road to relax as you refuse to
get out of the way is alot like the big FU.


I, on the other hand, refuse to make the "shwai shwai" gesture because,
it looks too much like the Italian "What's a'matta you?" gesture.
And you know what bad experiences I've had with that ethnic group.
(Do you like the "Wife Beater"? It's Armani).

(Not you Mike Tavolacci. I love you).

In fact, If I received frequent flier miles for every time my middle finger
flew here in Qatar, I would be flying first class all the way home instead of boarding at the rear.
Hmmm. Boarding at the rear. That has a ring to it. Wait, does it say BJ on the
back of my plane?
BJ?
YES, PLEASE!
Hi, Malcolm.

Random Pictures

Tammi at the Omani Grand Canyon wearing her favorite
Yelton Manor ball cap. I don't have one. WTF?

Fireworks from the UAE 4th of July celebration (which happens in December) in Abu Dhabi.
You'd think with all that money, they would get their calender straight.

Big John Stud, walking the shores of Turtle Beach.
I look pissed off at something. I wonder what it could be.
Probably the kids. Or the in-laws. Or the in-laws and the kids.
Who Knows? Who cares? Who's on first? Who.

Tammi found a friend.
Tammi, Jack Daniels.
Jack Daniels, Tammi.
How do you do?
Deliciously, thank you.

We're not alcoholics, but we play them on TV.

The Wild Life

I must emphasize this. Under no circumstances (I don't care what the sign says) is it advisable to Make a camel your bitch!

There is no concern about deer crossing here. Goat, camel, donkey, etc. (oh the list goes on) is another story. This little guy seems to like almonds.

Camels are alot bigger than they appear on TV. This gal was in a pack of about 8.
The top of her hump can be 10 feet or more above the ground.

Bat in the cave!
I scared one of them and he flew out of the cave right over our heads.
Sorry little guano machine.

I think this is like some kind of Red Cross facility.
But, if it's not it should be.

Fireworks From The Hand Of God

Okay, here is a small clip of the 20 minute non stop fireworks extraviganza.
It was like this this the entire show. Eat your heart out Saint Joe. Eat something
else out Douglas and Saugatuck. These were set off on four different barges at the
same time.

Hi Mom.

This is the Aspire Tower. It was built for the 2006 Asian Games. It is amazing. And, just a little erotic, if you know what I'm sayin'.
It's not finished yet and all bribery attempts to get inside have failed (thus far). But we still have a few days.

Don't forget to cup the ball(s).
This is a truly beautiful yet disturbing bit of art.

To me it looks like it could represent marriage. The Bible and the ring holding the
future of the happy couple as if the entire world was all about them. Or......
the book could represent a giant pre-nuptual agreement that my mother-in-law insisted upon before Tammi and I were married and those would be my motherf$%@*r-in-law's hands squeezing my.....but, I digress. But isn't it beautiful.

Seriously, I don't know why she insists upon them for her and her husbands (she's on #5 at the moment). Her current husband is the only one still alive and he looks like one foot is in the grave and the other's on a banana peel. Personally I don't think they are all really dead. I think some are probably just hiding.

Not For The Squeamish

Tammi snapped my picture before I realized what this was.
Have you ever wondered what happens when a giant boulder falls
from the top of a mountain?
T

Have you ever wondered why there aren't more mountain goats?

Sorry little goat.

I'm inside a cave. It smelled funny in there. We started to look around and we could see
guano (Holy Bat Poop, B-M) all over the ground from the bats living in the cave.

She's standing in it right now. Gross.

The water, although full of parasites and deadly bacteria carrying snails, was clear and lovely.
It was easy to see all the mutant fish.

She almost fell in. I would have had to pay our taxi driver to rescue her.
Hey, don't judge me. I'm on vacation.

No, honey, you can't bring it home with us. I'm sure it belongs to somebody.

I Can't Believe How Tropical It Is In The Desert

I miss you, Gustavo. This is for you.

We have spent more time on the beach than I ever thought we would.
We love it here. You should all come and visit. Bring an extra suitcase.
You'll find that the venders here are very cheap. however shipping back to the states
is more expensive than we imagined.

I don't know what it is about this girl and birds.

There are the most beautiful fruit stands in the middle east.
One small banana, please.

Say cheese. Seriously. SAY IT!!